Dad Jokes

Here are a bunch of our favourites from some of the masters of joke telling. Some will make you laugh, others groan. We believe there’s nothing quite like a dad joke. If you don’t agree we suggest you read on at your peril…

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I phoned the local gym and I asked if they could teach me how to do the splits. The trainer asked: “How flexible are you?” I said: “I can’t make Tuesdays or Thursdays.”
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I asked R2-D2 for his opinion on traffic light crossings. His answer? Well, let’s just say he made all the right noises…
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I went to B&Q and an assistant asked if I wanted decking. Fortunately I got my punch in first, but the manager says I can’t go there any more.
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I used to be in a band called Prevention. We were better than The Cure.
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Jousting? What Brummies ask wasps…
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Q. Why do the French only have a single egg for breakfast?
A. Because one is an oeuf!
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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date but unfortunately she’d popped her clogs.
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Two fish are in a tank. one says to the other: “Have you got the faintest idea how to drive this thing?”
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Farting in a lift; wrong on so many levels…
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When I die I want to go peacefully in my sleep, like my father. And not screaming in terror, like his passengers.
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I was in the furniture department of John Lewis and a girl asked if I wanted bedding. That’s another shop I can’t go back to.
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Slept like a log last night. Woke up in the fireplace!
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